i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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