when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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