So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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