porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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