I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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