I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
