life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
