Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
