hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
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