I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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