She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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