Man, jail baloney is awful.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
