Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
