you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
