Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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