For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
