what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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