saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
