So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
