She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
