anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
