I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
