it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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