I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
