so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
