I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
