Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
