The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
worst night to have a conscience
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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