Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
