I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
