I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
