I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
