A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
