is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
