my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
