i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
