Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
