So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
