So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
