The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
