i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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