It's like God shit irony all over that family
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
