i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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