I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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