Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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