Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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