yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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