"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
