I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
