dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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