god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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