Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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