I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Ketchup is God's man juice
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Who died my cat blue again?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
